Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
