i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
