I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
