she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
