So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
