I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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