We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
