After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
