I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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