He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
