A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
