I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
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