We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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