Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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