We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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