I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
What drink are we having for lunch?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
