You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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