Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
