when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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