I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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