thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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