i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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