I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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