I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
