Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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