So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
