I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
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I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
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Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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