the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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