I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
