I was born with a shot glass in my hand
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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