What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
