quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
