You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
