Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
