You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
