I swear she didn't look like that last week.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.