as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Is Oprah even human
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months