Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
