i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved