you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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