Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum