He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Randomize
