I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
