What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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