So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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