And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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