We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
