omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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