Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
