one two three fourrrrnication!
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
