He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
