She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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