If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
