i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just want to make out with him forever
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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