I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
