i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
