4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
