How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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