Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I need to align my fucking chakras
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
