my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
