I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
