Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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