you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I stole a fireplace last night.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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