i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
