I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
