I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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