I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize