i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
