dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
All I want is dick and wine.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
