The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
