im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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