I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
