how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
