Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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