I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
