A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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