im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
