I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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