all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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