Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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