so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Randomize
