3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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