Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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