I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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