yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
