I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
