Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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