wanna go halves on a baby?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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