Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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