I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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