Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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