my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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