I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
