Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
